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Name: Jayne Lee Mei Ying
Age: 16 years old
Date of Birth: June 29th 1992
Location: Malaysia

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See a person you hadn't thought of.

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Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Miss Invisible
1:39 AM

Miss Invisible

There's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something she's hiding
And she can't find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
And she'll say...

Chorus

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name

In the beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they laughed and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...

Chorus

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her...her name

And one day just the same as the last
Just the days spent in counting the time
Came a boy who sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...







The song above is by MariƩ Digby. I cried the very first time I listened to it. She didn't have friends growing up, and this song describes her experience. It's very different from normal songs, because you know the emotion behind it is real, and you know the hurt is real too.

I used to feel exactly like this. I tried so hard, to make everyone like me, to be accepted, but nobody wanted me. I was a tag-along. The girl they let sit with them during recess, but when it came to group projects in class, she'd be the last one to be asked.

I was the one who once had to sit out of an assignment because I was absent and nobody included me in their list. Really, I was invisible. When I was in primary school, the only two girls I hung out with, used to pretend I was a ghost and they couldn't hear me until it wasn't funny anymore, and I'd be upset but they wouldn't care.

It was a fun game for them, but it wasn't for me, at all.

In kindergarten, none of the other girls wanted to be my friend. I'd have no partner in ballet class. My teacher would ask me, "Which girl is your friend?", when I was partner-less, and I'd just point at the girl I wished was my friend, but wasn't.

I would be best friends forever with girls for one year, and then it'd be as if we were strangers, when we passed by in the hallways. People only know that I quit school to take my O Levels, but the real reason I quit school was because I couldn't take it anymore.

I couldn't stand another day spent reading alone in the library during recess, because I'd have nobody to sit with anymore in the canteen anyway. I couldn't take waking up early in the mornings to go to a place where I had to sit next to girls who dumped me the day after my 15th birthday.

Girls who'd talk in Chinese on purpose, so I wouldn't understand what they were saying, so I wouldn't be able to join in, so they could talk about everything they disliked about me, right in front of my face. And I couldn't do a thing.

I wasn't smart. I was failing school so badly. I'd skip two to three days a week, just to avoid seeing their faces, to avoid the teachers asking questions I couldn't answer, to avoid having to pretend I was fine. I wasn't. Far from it.

I didn't care, then. I wanted to run away.

Run away from my messed-up life.
From my wrecked past relationships.
From all the pain.
From all the sadness.

But as the last three lines of the song go... I didn't have to. I became a TC5 boardie instead.

I know I always talk about this. I feel like I'm dwelling in the past, but I can't help it when I hear a song like this. It just reaches inside of me, and pierces my heart. It reminds me of everything I've gone through, but it also reminds me of everything I've gained after.

(The avatars are just there as a pretty border to separate the song and the post, but I made them from the photographs taken by this girl - she's also the model, just so you know.)