Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Miss Invisible
1:39 AM
Miss InvisibleThere's a girl Who sits under the bleachers Just another day eating alone And though she smiles There is something she's hiding And she can't find a way to relate She just goes unnoticed As the crowd passes by And she'll pretend to be busy When inside she just wants to cry And she'll say... Chorus Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible Look a little harder, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day When you'll ask her her name In the beginning, in the first weeks of class She did everything to try and fit in But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface And she would close her eyes when they laughed and she fell down the stairs And the more that they joked And the more that they screamed She retreated to where she is now And she'll sing... Chorus Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her...her name And one day just the same as the last Just the days spent in counting the time Came a boy who sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...
The song above is by Marié Digby. I cried the very first time I listened to it. She didn't have friends growing up, and this song describes her experience. It's very different from normal songs, because you know the emotion behind it is real, and you know the hurt is real too.
I used to feel exactly like this. I tried so hard, to make everyone like me, to be accepted, but nobody wanted me. I was a tag-along. The girl they let sit with them during recess, but when it came to group projects in class, she'd be the last one to be asked.
I was the one who once had to sit out of an assignment because I was absent and nobody included me in their list. Really, I was invisible. When I was in primary school, the only two girls I hung out with, used to pretend I was a ghost and they couldn't hear me until it wasn't funny anymore, and I'd be upset but they wouldn't care.
It was a fun game for them, but it wasn't for me, at all.
In kindergarten, none of the other girls wanted to be my friend. I'd have no partner in ballet class. My teacher would ask me, "Which girl is your friend?", when I was partner-less, and I'd just point at the girl I wished was my friend, but wasn't.
I would be best friends forever with girls for one year, and then it'd be as if we were strangers, when we passed by in the hallways. People only know that I quit school to take my O Levels, but the real reason I quit school was because I couldn't take it anymore.
I couldn't stand another day spent reading alone in the library during recess, because I'd have nobody to sit with anymore in the canteen anyway. I couldn't take waking up early in the mornings to go to a place where I had to sit next to girls who dumped me the day after my 15th birthday.
Girls who'd talk in Chinese on purpose, so I wouldn't understand what they were saying, so I wouldn't be able to join in, so they could talk about everything they disliked about me, right in front of my face. And I couldn't do a thing.
I wasn't smart. I was failing school so badly. I'd skip two to three days a week, just to avoid seeing their faces, to avoid the teachers asking questions I couldn't answer, to avoid having to pretend I was fine. I wasn't. Far from it.
I didn't care, then. I wanted to run away.
Run away from my messed-up life.
From my wrecked past relationships.
From all the pain.
From all the sadness.
But as the last three lines of the song go... I didn't have to. I became a TC5 boardie instead.
I know I always talk about this. I feel like I'm dwelling in the past, but I can't help it when I hear a song like this. It just reaches inside of me, and pierces my heart. It reminds me of everything I've gone through, but it also reminds me of everything I've gained after.
(The avatars are just there as a pretty border to separate the song and the post, but I made them from the photographs taken by this girl - she's also the model, just so you know.)
