beauty .


Name: Jayne Lee Mei Ying
Age: 16 years old
Date of Birth: June 29th 1992
Location: Malaysia

Touch a feeling you've never had.
Hear a voice you didn't know.
See a person you hadn't thought of.

patience .

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bliss .

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d'amis .

Winnie Loo
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Lee Yee
Bao Chuan
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gift .

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Monday, January 14, 2008
4:35 PM

I'm paranoid over what clothes to pack. I keep thinking I'm going to need this tank top or that shirt for some weird reason, and I end up packing both. I feel like taking my entire closet with me. I think I've already overpacked in terms of blouses and tops; somehow I magically stuffed all my clothes into my tiny suitcase.

And I
know I am gonna be 16 this year, but I can't resist packing a couple of stuff toys too. I used to bring all of them with me, but the number of stuff toys I have kind of multiplied over 8 years, so I have like 6 times the numberI brought with me when I was 8 to the Philippines. I used to OCD over them too, like arranging them by size, naming them, fixing their coats and ribbons, rotating turns of when I'm supposed to hug them every night of the week, and I'd go ballistic if I found out that I'd left one of them at home whenever we go on holiday. This is how lame I can be. :]

I'm also going paranoid over the airline losing my luggage. And come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't bring any stuff toys this time. It'd look weird if I was hugging them in my sleep. x]

You know, I still remember how cold the mornings in the hotels in Philippines can be. And I can't wait to meet Issa, Tin, Cami, Janella, and everyone else. And I'll be in Manila in time for the MCR concert... eventhough I don't like MCR. But if people I know are going, I'll take my chances and ask. They are cheaper than Click was, after all. But, I have to save up money for other concerts too. Which reminds me: I need to calculate my allowance for January. :D

Raspberry Elegance

This is my favorite photo of Winnie's for some reason. Click the link to see more!

Sunday, January 13, 2008
6:33 PM

I finished Elsewhere last night, and here's what I can say : It was depressingly eye-opening. I would call it bittersweet, but well-worth the read. The part where the main character's adopted dog, Sadie, had to be returned to Earth made me cry. Same goes for when she herself left.

I guess it really stung me because of those times she talked with her younger brother through the Well, and I thought
'He's never going to see her again, and those will be the last things they'll ever say to each other.'

The entire plot basically shatters the illusion that you'll get to see your loved ones once again when you die, considering the re-incarnation factor. And that's what made me sad. :(

But, besides the depressing part, it was actually, kind of eye-opening. The main character (who's a teen) was shattered when she died, since it meant that she'd never get to experience any of the things she'd been looking forward to all her life.

I got hit with a blast of realization at that part. I spend most of my days, thinking that one day, my real life will start. You know, that things would essentially be perfect. But, of course, that's never going to happen.

And one day, I'd be old and still waiting for my real life to start. Or, like the character, I'd just be dead. So, I guess... that every day is my life. And, that's not a whole bad thing on it's own.

Which means I can stop dreaming, and start living. :]

Saturday, January 12, 2008
Head Over Heels
11:49 PM

I'm having a momentary delusion of infatuation right now, so ignore me, please. And Anberlin's playing, how fitting. "Hi, Jayne." Somebody slap me. Is it bad that I was grinning pleasantly the whole time after I heard him say that? And gosh, his accent just melted me. I can't believe I'm this mushy over him. But, at least he notices me. And remembers me. I seriously commend him for that, since I'm such a wilting wallflower. I could also delight myself into thinking that maybe he stalks my Facebook when I'm not looking.

Honestly, since I came late for youth today, and youth ended too late for me to stay until snacktime, he was the only person who greeted me. I hope he saw me smile at him 'coz the band had just started playing, and it was too loud for me to say anything back. Plus, I shuffled my brother into the nearest seats, a second later, away from him. I wonder if he saw. :/

Oh, and Bus Company rocks. How awesome is it that they'll be playing permanently at youth from now on?

Friday, January 11, 2008
10:53 PM

So, yeah. My mom managed to get me carbon paper this morning so I made it to art class, after all. Carbon paper is expensive stuff. At least, at Centrepoint's bookstore. And, ooh, lookie. I couldn't take it anymore, and bought 2 rolls of Mentos Sour Mix. There goes my plan to save money on buying useless, tasty things.

And I'm NOT going to Sri KDU. :[

But, I bought a very-nice, very-cling wrapped book at Borders today. :]

It's Kind of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

It sounded cool, on Teenreads.com and on the back summary. But I have to finish reading Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin first, which is just as cool. Thought-provoking. Oh, and in my search to find this cover on the net., I found out that there's a band called It's Kind of A Funny Story. Weird much. x]

Gahhh. I miss Vivien (and her weird slash tendencies). And 1337 as a language rules. Like, teenies won't understand us. What's better than that? Oh, I know. Telling them to go jump off a cliff.

There was this blonde ang-moh walking down the street outside the Curve this afternoon and my mom said she looked like Kyle. Eventhough, Kyle isn't a girl, and he has dark-brown hair. =.=

It's weird that I hadn't planned on blogging at all today, and this post is now a mile long. YAY. 4 more days before I jet-off to the Philippines. :]

Thursday, January 10, 2008
Carbon Paper
9:49 PM

I needed carbon paper for my art class. Popular just had to be sold out. So, I can't go to art class tomorrow. And I'm really emo right now. I must be the dumbest person on the planet. I can't even understand simple maths... I can't find the stupid solution to the stupid percentage problem. Eventhough, the book's with me. It just won't come out the way the answer says. :(

To top that off, I missed Ben in the chat today AGAIN. And my parents are seriously harping me : Form 4 or 'O' Levels. I really,really wanna do BOTH. I know I can, but they don't think so. :/

If worst comes to worst, I might just end up back in Form 4 and seriously lagging behind everyone else. :(

If life ever goes back to being simple; I don't think it will.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008
What I Really Want
10:23 PM

Ok, yesterday my dad called and told me that Sri KDU called and asked if I wanted to enroll for Form 4. Which means they have a place open. I was really surprised, 'coz I'd ruled going to KDU out completely since the chance of them having an opening was slim. But now, it's like a miracle. At first, I thought my mom would object to it, since I'm supposed to be doing my O Levels and all, right. But, I told her and she was cool about it.

SO, I told my dad I wanted to enroll tonight. But then, he got sceptical. He told me I couldn't have both. Form 4 in KDU or homeschooling for O Levels. But, I don't wanna pick. I want both. Which means that I'm going to have to prove to him I can do this. I don't care how, I will get into Sri KDU. Seriously. I finally have a chance to experience private school. I'm not going to miss it.

And secretly, I've been wondering what it'd be like to take Arts stream and all. x]]]

Tuesday, January 8, 2008
1:31 PM


His music is awesome. ILY, Bao, for introducing. :]

Monday, January 7, 2008
7:34 PM

Everytime I want to do something, I get the feeling I'm just repeating something someone else has already done. Like, when I write. I feel like I'm just plagiarizing another author's words. When I draw, it feels like I'm just gonna wind up copying someone else without realizing it.

Which makes me wonder if I'm not just a copy of someone or something meshed together from a bunch of other people. I feel like there's NOTHING unique about me. Whatever I like is always fleeting, and that makes it so hard to stick to something for a long time.

Sunday, January 6, 2008
Alex Pettyfer
11:55 PM

Tell me that's not HOT.

Saturday, January 5, 2008
Maximum Ride
7:16 PM

Yeah, that's what I'm reading now. It's supposed to be really good, and it is, but I guess I got surprised at the earlier parts when the elaboration was weak. And it keeps on surprising me too. Like, I thought the main characters would be 17 year olds NOT pre-teens and small children.

Just like, I thought Angel was the guy on the front cover. And I thought Max was a guy since, you know, Max is a guy's name, and the thing was written in her P.O.V. but didn't give any outright hints that she was a girl. I only realised it when it finally switched to a scene where two other characters were talking about her. And Angel is actually a 6 year old blonde. Confusing can. x[

So... it was when it mentioned Max having long hair did I realize she was the front cover girl. So, I practically freaked and squinted at the cover... it kinda looks like a girl, but not really. :/

Oh, and do you know why they call it Maximum Ride? -__-

Maximum Ride is Max. What sort of name is that?! And I thought I was past all the surprises. Gahhh. Oh, and I procrastinated my studying again. Wheeeeeeeee. x]

I just spent the whole afternoon ripping MySpace songs non-stop, thanks to Winnie and her awesomely-annoying recommendations. *pokes Winnie*

I miss Ellie! :(

Friday, January 4, 2008
We The Kings
11:10 PM

Omg. I love them! And I just downloaded the whole album from Winnie! YAY! :]

So, as it turns out... I didn't wake up; meaning I have to wake up tomorrow and study. Gahhhh, oh well. I should probably update my FF too. And I have to trace a whole new canvas for art class. x[

But, I'm finally done with my first acrylic on canvas (canvas sucks, weiyh...so much work getting the paint on)!

Thursday, January 3, 2008
11:56 PM

Yeah, I love history now. 69476496743639 times more interesting now since it's in English, and it's World History. :]

Less confusing than the mean temperatures in Geography too, and less stuff to work through than Biology. Oh... but I've been putting off Math, though. Talk about a waste of time. I could spend half an hour working on one problem, when I could be reading up other stuff. But, I have to. Boo. Mehhh... I'll do it tomorrow; if I wake up.

I've got art class in the afternoon, so yeah. Hgjksleritudncmf. I'm scared for my Art and English results. :( If I don't get A's, I'll die. This has to be the first time I've been worried over anything like this. 'Coz usually I'm a happy go-lucky bird with exams. XDDD

Wednesday, January 2, 2008
11:47 PM

Simple Plan on TRL!!!!!! ZONG. :]]]

I am so buying their next album in February. I practically teenie-ed when the hostess said 'simple plan', and like ran upstairs to tell everyone in the chat... and nobody listened. x[

I think it's 'coz I thought everyone already saw it, so I didn't exactly scream about it either. :\

Anyway... I just realized how watching MTV and [V] doesn't bore me as much as it used to. Seriously. I can't stand flipping to any other channel now, and if there's nothing that interesting on, I switch it off.

Oh, and I went into cleaning spree just now, and did the dishes, cleared the kitchen... tidied up the living room. x]

When you get me started, I don't stop. My mom had to tell me to stop washing the place-mats 'coz that'd make my hands dry out. DX

Tuesday, January 1, 2008
11:23 PM

Tomorrow, I shall start my homeschooling-which means me, books and loud music. Yay! x]

I'm so excited that I'm actually sleeping early. Gah, I'll prove my mom wrong. I can wake up, and sleep early without any problem. And I studied my biology today for 3 whole hours! :]

It's freaky. My parents are always moving this way and that. One day, it's my dad who's all pissed. The next, it's my mom. Annoying much? Oh, and I found out that the concept of sensitivity can also equal to irritability. Cool.

From now on, the Mimosa pudica (touch-me-not) (yeah my book wrote that!) is irritable to touch. Let's all LOL, please.

Oh, and my dad keeps dumping all his old paper and files on my desk. :/

I Wanna Be Your Last First Kiss
3:51 AM

What the hell?! *cries*

I don't believe it. He remembered. He remembered. He remembered. I can't believe it. Why am I only finding this out now? He put the line I told him on Valentine's day into his blogger profile. I can't believe it. He actually remembered. He remembered me.

Ugly, dorky me. He remembered my words. Oh, gosh. I'm shaking so badly. I thought I was over this, already. Why do I have to cry everytime? *cries more*

Does it mean that he did care when I said that? I don't know. But, now... I have to tell myself that I can't have him all over again. That I have to keep waiting... 'coz he's not right for me. Even I know that.

I put myself through so much,
Denial and anxiety,
Cried unseen tears,
Relived what I couldn't have,
It's forgotten now.
- Jayne