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Name: Jayne Lee Mei Ying
Age: 16 years old
Date of Birth: June 29th 1992
Location: Malaysia

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Monday, May 19, 2008
Monsoon
1:39 PM

I just have to be such a hard-core MTV lover, don't I? Well, I watched the replays of their award shows last year, over the weekend (which I should have been using to study for my biology exam on Wednesday), and I discovered what a Woodie is, and that it's the first award Boys Like Girls won, and that I absolutely love the song Monsoon by Tokio Hotel. Ok, I pretty much love Tokio Hotel now.

There's a difference between liking a band's music, and actually getting impacted by the band itself. I, for one, get introduced to new bands all the time, and if I like how they sound (especially the singer's voice), then I'll download them onto my playlist, and for those bands I really, really like and I know I'll never get tired of their songs and would pay to go to their concert, I put as my favorites.

And then, there's the one rare exception. Eventhough I like all the aforementioned bands, and I listen to their music... I'm not motivated to actually get to know the band; I just enjoy their music. That's what set apart TC5, in the first place. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I was suddenly reading their interviews and I kind of fell in love with how real they are.

That's why I wanted to meet them so much, and know everything about them. They're interesting. You may want to go to a band's concert, but you probably wouldn't care much whether you met them or not, depending on how much they've actually impacted you, just by being themselves.

A serious, die-hard fan loves the band itself, and not just the band's music.

This is a conundrum, though, when you consider how many teenies love the band itself only, or only became interested in the band because of the singer's looks and then, only started caring about their music. But, I don't think it's our place to judge teenies, anymore, as much as we hate them.

Sure, they might be pretty clue-less sometimes, and babble too much about how hot the band members are, and be so nice it's a bit fake, and think they're the most hard-core fan out there, and that's annoying, yes, but they're still fans. Misguided maybe, but they still buy albums, not illegally download the songs (usually, they don't or they do and then buy the album later, anyway), and they still pay to go to the concerts and buy band merchandise and everything. They still contribute to the band's earnings.

It's just because of the fact that they're usually cocky show-offs on the boards, that we hate them. But, I don't think it's fair to classify those kinds of girls as teenies so much, anymore. They have every right to be as passionate about the band as much as we do, don't they?

I think the only thing we can truly hate is when someone who knows nothing about the band, has never heard them play before, knows none of their songs, and basically doesn't care about them at all, enters all those pre-show contests and wins them, making the band think that they're the real, serious fans and they get all the glam and free stuff that comes with it, which should've gone to the real fans.

That's what we used to call teenies, remember? And now, the TC5 boards are probably the most malicious ones around, because a portion of the girls who joined didn't know the rules and the way the boards work, and we weren't tolerant enough to show them the way nicely, I guess. I'm not blaming anyone. I've bashed so many of them so many times, and although, at the time, I could barely stand them, it was also the wrong thing to do. :(

I think we've all forgotten that when we first started liking TC5 or perhaps any other band we were once crazy about, we were just as obsessed as they were. I remember wanting to gather every scrap of information I could on them, watching every video, gushing over how cute Kyle looks, and wanting to meet them desperately. That was last year. Now, I'm pretty much over them all, and I don't remember why I liked them so much in the first place.

I could miss the June 7th concert, and not really feel like I've missed out on anything, other than not being able to spend time with my best friends. It's just a phase every fan gets, but they'll eventually outgrow it, and even if they don't, we shouldn't be mean or upset about it. We'll just have to accept it, and if we really can't stand it, just steer clear of them.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't point out that they've broken the rules, because we should. And if they don't learn, then to the mods we go. I know I sound like a patronizing school-teacher or something, but I don't want out boards to be so conflicted and hate-filled anymore. I don't want us harboring resentment against the 'teenies', because it hurts us too.

We're being racist when we generalize that all teenies are the same. Some, if given the chance, could've been really good friends. Sorry if any of what I've just said ticks you off and/or makes you never want to speak to me again.

I side-tracked too much. I meant to explain how Tokio Hotel impacted me, the same way TC5 once did.

Tokio Hotel has four members, and two of them are identical twin brothers, who don't look so identical anymore. Anyway, each brother has their own developed music taste and dressing style, which are basically polar opposites of one another. One has wild two-tone hair, and likes to wear tight stuff, and resembles the usual hard-core emo rock type. The other has dreadlocks, trucker caps, and wears baggy shirts and pants, making him look like a hip-hop enthusiast (which he apparently is).

So, anyway, I'd never in a million years have guessed that they're twin brothers who are supposed to be identical; they only look alike when it comes to their sharp cheekbones.

What does this have to do with me? Quite a lot.

Lately (or rather all the time...), I've been feeling so ordinary when it comes to how I dress and look; I feel like nobody really gets a sense of who I am, and what I like. I'm always pushing to find my identity, and I can never really find it. I always feel like I'm lost in other people's opinions, my parents' ideas of me, and the fact, that I'm basically not allowed to dress the way I really want to.

But, when a pair of twins can so distinguish themselves from one another, like that, and have such a unique sense of who they are, it gives me hope that maybe, one day, I'll be able to be that unique as well. They're like role-models for me. I don't want to be plain and usual with how I look. In fact, I've always been attracted to Harajuku styles and pop-out hairstyles.

It's just that, for now, I've no reason to dress that way. I don't go anywhere, and wherever I do go, isn't really worth dressing up. So, I'm biding my time until college. At least then, if I attend an art school, it won't be weird to look weird. And then, I won't have my parents barking at me because of the way I dress.

Tokio Hotel also impressed me with the fact that their band's been around since they were in middle school. And they really work hard on their music, especially since they're German, and they had to translate their songs into English and sing them as if they were written in English (you'd never guess that the singer actually has a thick German accent), when they released their international album, Scream.

Ack. I think I'm babbling about how great I think they are, now. *shuts up*

I'll probably still be missing from the boards, because of my horrible exams, which are starting to make me go mad. I keep wondering if I wrote enough to get the marks or not, and my dad's making it worse, because when I say there wasn't enough time, he says I didn't practice enough. Hell, I'm done with wanting to find the perfect way to study. I just want to get through this.

Running through the monsoon,
you're the world to the end of time.

And when I lose myself I think of you,
together we'll be running somewhere new,
through the monsoon.