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Name: Jayne Lee Mei Ying
Age: 16 years old
Date of Birth: June 29th 1992
Location: Malaysia

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Friday, April 11, 2008
Brighter
4:14 AM


It's 4.30am. I can't believe I did it again. I keep telling myself I'll sleep really early tonight, and wake up really early tomorrow, like a normal person. I got distracted by writing a 7-page diary entry. I never knew writing in my diary for seven pages straight could take up to 2 hours.

For the first time in quite awhile, I feel like the dark clouds are lifting, and things are getting better, at last. I'm happy that people do care about me, and I'm happy that I finally know what to do with myself. I'm glad that I did something brave for once in my life.

I can see the end of this part of my life coming soon. Once these waters recede, and the storm passes, the rainbow will be there. I'm feeling very blessed right now, and it's like all the darkness of the past weeks didn't happen.

Jamestown Story's Goodbye I'm Sorry is a song about suicide, and yet, I like listening to it. Maybe because I've never heard a song which expresses so well how a suicidal person feels as this one does. I used to be like that, when I was twelve and thirteen.

I'd lock my bathroom door, and cry. And I'd be thinking exactly what this song's lyrics say. Everything is worthless, no one wants me to stay. So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me, I'm not worth any tears.

Thank God, I don't feel that way anymore.